-Why is this happening to me?-

We’re taught to seek meaning in everything. we’re told to search for more, to look beyond the superficial, especially in difficult times.

Yet In the times that I’ve been sorely tested i have been unable to find meaning. In my frenzy to make sense of my pain i have tried to understand the WHY. Perhaps thinking that if i Understood it would hurt less. Only to not understand and return back even more bewildered!

I thought For surely if He loves me, then there must be a reason for this! For surely if He loves me, then good must come out of this! This” being the trial!

And if good will come out of it then there’s hope for me.

Only I did not understand!
I turned back even more perturbed!

And the cursed one convinced me oh it does not make sense, hence it’s a punishment!

Convinced me that He, Almighty does not love me!

Woe to you! You sly whisperer! He DOES love me!

He only wants to test if I believe in His love for me! And I do! I believe in His love for me!

Amanto billah!

Undeserving am I of His love!
But He, He’s not a petty Lord!
His greatness is above that!

So now I Understand! I understand that I was never meant to understand!

The test is a test simply BECAUSE I donot understand the WHY! If I understood it would not be a test!

When the curtains are lifted, and understanding dawns, ONLY love can follow! But to love without understanding the WHY, that’s the true test!

To keep on loving THROUGH the test, that’s the test!

To keep on loving, THROUGH the pain, the joy, the blessing & the loss.

The success, the failure, The spring the fall.

That’s the test!

Uzkurullah hataa yaqulunas majnun

To love like a madman, that’s the test!

The test is a test of Love! And love does not falter!
Even when it does not understand the One it loves!

For surely the One loves me more than I can ever love Him.
And that’s enough for this undeserving one.