I say a distracted Salah. I rush through it.
My child cries. I barely know what I’m saying now.
I berate myself. I tell myself I’m ungrateful that I can’t focus on the One that blessed me with children.
I tell myself I’m an awful person. I have the garb of a religious person but I can’t concentrate on my Salah.
I think maybe if I had been better at it before I became a mother, I might not be so bad now.
I shorten my prayer, I delay it till the last moment, I rush through it.
I give up on the nawafil I used to do and so I start to give up on myself.
But my nabi (sws). So Kareem was he that he would SHORTEN HIS PRAYER if he heard a child cry! For he knew the heart of the mother would be restless.
I think if I were standing behind him and I was distracted, I would tell myself: how awful am I that I cannot concentrate on a Salah led by Rasulullah sws as Imam!
Oh how terrible a feeling that would be!
But Nabi e Kareem sws, by his gesture told me to be kind to myself!:’)
He did not think I was awful! Instead he KNEW that’s how I’m wired!
Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves and then berate ourselves when we can’t reach those (unrealistic) ideals.
Our hearts are not in our control. Our actions are. Therefore we will be asked about our actions.
And hearts, as long as we keep trying to rectify them, Allah knows. He sees the effort. And my Rabb, He is qadardaan.
Isn’t it beautiful to be an abd of such a Generous, loving Rab?
And isn’t it beautiful to be an Umati of a Nabi (s) that taught me never to give up on ME?