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The Burden of Comparison

As a mom and a home maker I’m constantly doing something and constantly feeling like I’m not doing anything.

It is a burden most of us carry. The burden of comparison. We always always compare ourselves unfavorably to others. If I feel tired and need a break, my mind says why do you need a break. Look at so and so she’s a mom, homemaker AND has a 9-5 job. Or so and so that has twins and no help. Or so and so that is a single mom.

We all have our burdens. You rock the boat you are given to steer and you only FEEL the depth and weight of that particular boat. And it’s okay. It’s ok to feel your boat is in rocking water.

We all seek fulfilment. We do the things we do BECAUSE we are DESIGNED to SEEK that fulfilment. For me it has been different things at different points of my life. As a mom I’m unable to pursue those things. This doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful. AT ALL. But my soul has been DESIGNED to SEEK fulfilment.

So I always try to keep a few things for myself, my writing, my online business, my reading.My me-time. My sanity. It rejuvenates me.

But It struck me today that even though these are things that I enjoy,they fulfill, but only momentarily! It is from HIS immense blessings that HE allows us to feel this fulfilment. But this TOO has a purpose. It is but a glimpse of what real fulfilment can be like. The one that comes from KNOWING HIM. our Merciful merciful kareem Rab. The Source of all fulfilment!

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You told me to Ask!

You Told me to Ask:

I looked at my sins I was distraught
I looked inside my heart, I was ashamed
I looked down at my body parts, Never again could I look back up

Yet You, You inspired in me the confidence to Ask!
Despite it all, In Spite of it all, You lifted my hands!
My sinning hands!
You moved my tongue! My sinning tongue!
And You, You gave me words, to ask!
Whilst the Cursed One whispered into my heart
My poor, wronged, weakened heart!
Scared me & overwhelmed me
Of my audacity! Oh the sheer audacity of my asking!
You poured light into my poor broken heart
You mended the holes, the scars

You enveloped me in the warmth of your mercy!
And You whispered into my broken heart:
Oh my Sinning Slave! The one that wronged her own soul!
Donot despair of the mercy of your Lord!

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The Many Versions of White People

  1. White People making Small talk (committing many a faux pass)

Dr Grant:-So will your child understand what I’m saying?

Me: Yes but I’ll also help.

Dr: What language does he speak?

Me: Urdu fluently. English partially.

Dr: Certainly your English is very good.

Me: Well i had the privilege of growing up tri-lingual. My son unfortunately doesn’t. So i have to ensure over-exposure of the minority language lest he loses that part of his identity.

  1. White People trying to get an education on “Culture”:-

Random lady at Costco Entrance on my flowy Lilac Abaya:- Omg i JUST love what you’re wearing! What is it called?
Me: An Abaya or dress.

  1. White People trying to be “Cultural”:-

Gushingomg just love what you’re wearing (pink abaya). But please don’t gift it to me. I’ve been to Dubai, I know the culture! I know if I say i love what you’re wearing, you’ll gift it to me. That’s not what I meant.

Me: eh, wasn’t planning on it.

  1. White People Pretending to be “Informed” on “Culture”

Dr Julie: So you smoke? I guess not. Goes with the religion. But one must ask. One can never be too sure these days.
(& The best one so far):-

Dr Julie: Right, so dietary restrictions?

You must be halal?

Me: Em, I surely hope so. Or at least that’s what i was told.

-Perks of living in a Small Pre-dominantly White Town-

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The Three Groups in my Friend’s List

When you grow up like me, average Pakistani and then suddenly turn towards religion, your Contact’s list ends up having a variety of people which can be broadly categorized into 3 types:-

Type 1:- The ones that respect you for your newfound knowledge and ask questions like:-

*What’s the difference between Hand Slaughter and Machine Slaughter?

*What ingredients do i need to look out for in my makeup that make it halal/Haram?

*What ingredient do I need to look for in Cheese?

Type 2:- The Ones that don’t care and think you’re over-doing it:-

*Oh come on, Halal is Halal, don’t make religion difficult

*What? How can makeup be halal/Haram?

*Bass kar do. Itna nai detail me jana chaye.

Type 3:- And then there’s Type Three: MOM a.k.a (one man army;))

Halal khati ho na?

God bless our moms for keeping us grounded.alhumdolillah 🙂

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I know a Little Boy who makes Dua like he means it!

So Every time this kid wanted something, his parents would say Ask Allah and then they would secretly get him what he wanted. The little boy kept praying.

This one time he wanted a back-hoe (picture for reference) but he didn’t just want ANY back-hoe, he wanted one with a front bucket, back bucket, stabilizing hands AND with sounds AND for Eid!

Dad looked everywhere for it but it wasn’t available anywhere. Amazon, Toy Stores, China, marketplace! Eid was just around the corner and the backhoe was nowhere to be found!

The little boy had seen it in a magazine, circled it on the magazine and told mom he did it so it would be easy for Allah mian to know which one EXACTLY he wants 😂

And mom would hear him at random times making the ENTIRE DUA “Back-hoe with front bucket, back bucket, stabilizing arms, and sound Allah miaaaannnn” – pointing at the circled magazine and calling on Allah mian, some times loudly, sometimes softly.

But mom and dad couldn’t find it anywhere! Dad kept trying & mom said:-

“You know what, this is between him and Allah mian. Not my problem anymore” – yet secretly slightly worried about her kid’s heart breaking.

So Eid arrived. The boy got a lot of gifts but there was no backhoe! He got some money as Eidi, which then he convinced his dadi to take with him to the toystore. Dad already checked online and the backhoe wasn’t available in that store either! But this little boy still convinced his dadi to take him. Eid day had almost passed, Mom & Dad knew he was going to come back with a broken heart. But the boy was adamant and sure!

And off those two went. And lo and behold! One last piece, on the highest Rack, barely visible to people, stood the glorious back hoe, with front and back buckets, stabilizing arms AND sound!

Exactly as the boy had asked!

We tell our kids to pray but we ourselves don’t believe in the power of Dua as we ought to!Though once upon a time, we had the belief of children!

But life happened & the world hardened us and we forgot!

And in losing the belief that our Duas work, we lost something even more precious! Our conversations with Him. The one True friend we had!

For you see Dua is about the connection, the conversation! Remember Moosa a.s? How he prolonged his conversation with Allah swt? He was talking about his sheep and his stick with the King of all the worlds? You would think he would talk more philosophical things? Ask about quantum theory, Creation of the universe, mysteries unraveled to man.

But no he was talking about sheep and sticks! Cz he didn’t want the conversation to end!

Talk to Allah, your friend, wali, protector, guardian just like a child would! And teach your kids as well! Remember first you teach kids and then they teach you.

I know! Cz I know a little boy who knows how to make Dua like he means it!

Backhoe with front bucket, back bucket, stabilizing arms AND sounds.