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The Many Versions of White People

  1. White People making Small talk (committing many a faux pass)

Dr Grant:-So will your child understand what I’m saying?

Me: Yes but I’ll also help.

Dr: What language does he speak?

Me: Urdu fluently. English partially.

Dr: Certainly your English is very good.

Me: Well i had the privilege of growing up tri-lingual. My son unfortunately doesn’t. So i have to ensure over-exposure of the minority language lest he loses that part of his identity.

  1. White People trying to get an education on “Culture”:-

Random lady at Costco Entrance on my flowy Lilac Abaya:- Omg i JUST love what you’re wearing! What is it called?
Me: An Abaya or dress.

  1. White People trying to be “Cultural”:-

Gushingomg just love what you’re wearing (pink abaya). But please don’t gift it to me. I’ve been to Dubai, I know the culture! I know if I say i love what you’re wearing, you’ll gift it to me. That’s not what I meant.

Me: eh, wasn’t planning on it.

  1. White People Pretending to be “Informed” on “Culture”

Dr Julie: So you smoke? I guess not. Goes with the religion. But one must ask. One can never be too sure these days.
(& The best one so far):-

Dr Julie: Right, so dietary restrictions?

You must be halal?

Me: Em, I surely hope so. Or at least that’s what i was told.

-Perks of living in a Small Pre-dominantly White Town-

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